Is Fall really here?!?

It is a beautiful day! I love this fall weather. 50's, little breeze,and just cold enough to need jeans and a sweatshirt, my favorite. I chaperoned my first field trip today to the apple orchard. It was crazy chaotic, approx. 100 kindergarteners and probably another 30 parents. Fun but crazy! :)

The other night my DH (darling husband) and I were watching an episode of "Rescue Me" (great show BTW). In the episode there was a scene between Tommy and his ex-girlfriend who was just cleared of cancer. She had a complete meltdown because she was suppose to be better and happy, but she did feel better or happy. She felt like everyone was taking care of her and now she was on her own. After the scene, my DH turned to me and asked if I ever felt that way. I said "Of course, I do everyday, still." It really is true. The doctors say you are cured, but yet you have no hair, you feel like crap, and you are now half the woman you were before you started. There is a true sense of abandonment. It can be very depressing. I lived my life for so long 3 weeks at a time, praying that when it was all over they would tell me it was gone and I was cured. Then it finally happened and I was relieved, but lost as to what to do next. I am a cancer survivor. Everyday I look in the mirror and see my scars. They are a constant reminder of my battle, of what I use to look like, and that at any moment I could have cancer again. Having a 5 year old at home keeps me busy and living in the present, and not dwelling on that overwhelming question on a daily basis. However, she also makes me think about it and how if it comes back it could be worse and I might not see her graduate, get married, have children. That is my biggest fear.

I am not an overly religious person, but this was a bible verse that often goes through my head when I am struggling with the day.
From the Book of Ecclesiastes,
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, a time to reap that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace